Republic Party (1855-2006) Rest in Pieces

On March 16, 2006, the Republic Party, the Party of Lincoln, the Grand Old Party, died in a Wahington-area hospice facility. According to a preliminary political autopsy, the cause of death was massive ideological hemorrhaging, caused by the unexpected abandonment of the Party's last remaining principle. Though the death of the Party was a shock to many nationwide, pundits had long suggested that the GOP had been on life support since 2000, when it lost the popular vote in a third straight Presidential election and was resucitated only by a massive infusion of judicial activism. After a brief rally in 2002 and again in 2004, the Party's fortunes began a steady decline, first into impotence, then senility, and finally, death. No notice of funeral services have yet been announced, but they are expected in early November. The Party's two surviving children, the Christian Reconstructionists and the Plutocrats, have already retained counsel for a protracted legal battle over the estate that is projected to continue well into 2008.