The Local Crank

Musings & Sardonic Commentary on Politics, Religion, Culture & Native American Issues. Bringing you the finest in radioactive screeds since 2002! "The Local Crank" newspaper column is distributed by Community Newspaper Holdings, Inc.

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Location: Cleburne, Texas, United States

Just a simple Cherokee trial lawyer, Barkman has been forcing his opinions on others in print since, for reasons that passeth understanding, he was an unsuccessful candidate for state representative in 2002. His philosophy: "If people had wanted me to be nice, they should've voted for me."

Saturday, October 07, 2006

The (Not So) Great Debates


Governor
Chris Bell: boring, yet earnest and the only grown-up on the stage. Had a couple of good lines about running against three Republicans and how Texans should be horrified that Rick Perry is already planning to run again in 2010. Extra credit for knowing that the Battle of the Alamo was in 1836.
Kinky Friedman: Ignorant beyond all belief, unfunny and pissy when asked questions, sort of like Bill Clements with a moustache. Endorsed DECLARING MARTIAL LAW on the Border within the first 5 minutes of the debate, thereby putting him to the right of the Minutemen. Will white liberals finally figure out this guy is a joke and a bad one at that?
Rick Perry: As prepackaged as Velveeta. Slick, smarmy, arrogant and condescending, especially when talking down to farmers who oppose the Pave Texas Corridor.
Carole Keeton Strayhorn: Her godawful attempt at impersonating Ann Richards is wearing thin. Manages to work the word "grandma" into every single bloody sentence that she shouts out like a tourist trying to make the locals understand English. Badly flubbed a simple question: who is the President of Mexico?

US House, District 17
Nicholas Vancampen Taylor: Came across like the preening, self-important College Republican he is, with the delivery of some weenie on a high school debate team. I lost track of how many times he managed to sneer the words "liberal," "San Francisco," "illegal aliens" and "Nancy Pelosi." Painfully obvious that he is being prepped with flash cards and is incapable of forming a complete sentence without bullet points. Spent a large amount of time bashing the "out of control" spending in Washington, DC. Uh, Nicky? Which party has been in control of Congress since 1994? Also, probably not a good idea to trumpet your ignorance in not being "at all familiar" with the most recent budget resolutions.
Chet Edwards: Earnest, friendly and obviously well-prepared while still maintaining his usual "aw shucks" demeanor. Managed to look genuinely hurt and disappointed that Vancampen wouldn't agree to stop the negative ads. I'll be interested to see how much he improves his vote total over 2004.

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2 Comments:

Anonymous texasfortexans said...

The debate was 59 minutes and 50 seconds of blah, blah, blah surrounding 10 seconds of brilliance. Here's the beauty part:

Kinky Friedman said he would call for military martial law in border cities if he becomes governor on Friday, during the only gubernatorial debate scheduled for the campaign season. ... "Yeah, of course, whatever it takes," said Friedman in response to a question from an Austin television reporter about whether he would declare martial law. Declaring it would make his proposal to add 8,500 National Guard troops to the border possible.

10/08/2006 4:27 PM  
Blogger The Local Crank said...

Yes, clearly, because military dictatorships have worked so well in the past, and certainly 8,500 National Guardsmen would be more than sufficient to run all governmental functions among a population of millions running along a border that stretches for hundreds of miles. Truly, that was a moment of sheer brilliance that dispelled any impressions that Kinky Friedman is a pandering, opportunistic ignorant buffoon without the brain pan necessary to operate a bake sale, let alone run the second largest state in the Union.

10/08/2006 7:53 PM  

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