The Local Crank

Musings & Sardonic Commentary on Politics, Religion, Culture & Native American Issues. Bringing you the finest in radioactive screeds since 2002! "The Local Crank" newspaper column is distributed by Community Newspaper Holdings, Inc.

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Location: Cleburne, Texas, United States

Just a simple Cherokee trial lawyer, Barkman has been forcing his opinions on others in print since, for reasons that passeth understanding, he was an unsuccessful candidate for state representative in 2002. His philosophy: "If people had wanted me to be nice, they should've voted for me."

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Column for 26 November, 2006

“Let us come before Him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song.”

--Psalm 95:2

Things I am thankful for (in no particular order):

1) That my best friend and my uncle both made it back from Iraq in one piece;
2) The Democratic Majority in Congress (please try not to screw it up, y’all, okay?);
3) Fried squash;
4) Daddy’s retirement. The man’s been working since he was 12 years old, he deserves a break;
5) All the people who have put their trust in me and made my business a success;
6) Mama’s frybread;
7) My other best friend’s new baby boy;
8) Cheesecake (I’m starting to notice a food theme here);
9) The Baylor Bears, well on their way to becoming the Ralph Nader of the Big 12—they can’t win it themselves, but they can spoil it for other people;
10) FOX won’t be able to exploit murder victims to make Rupert Murdoch more money to subsidize the Republic Party;
11) That I never liked “Seinfeld” or Kramer in the first place;
12) Rob Orr, who makes this column possible every single time he opens his mouth;
13) Rick Perry, for the same reason. Don’t ever change, Governor; we love you just the way you are—a smug, low-rent, arrogant, self-absorbed jackanapes;
14) Tsalagi tsiyvwi;
15) My family in general and in particular;
16) The First Amendment (the other nine aren’t so bad, either);
17) That my youngest insisted on dressing like Captain America for “Community Helper Day” at school;
18) The little boy in my youngest’s class who solemnly asked me if Indians “fight crime.” Yes, yes, they do;
19) That my oldest kid’s soccer team was undefeated and he, as goalie, only gave up an average of one point per game;
20) That both of my kids know karate and can now beat up other parents’ honor students;
21) My great-great-grandmother, who died sixty-eight years before I was born but whose spirit is with me even today;
22) Texas;
23) My colleagues in the Johnson County bench and bar. We really are served by some very outstanding lawyers and judges here, despite what Fort Worth Weekly thinks;
24) That I don’t live in Dallas County. Who wants to be a judge, anyway? I’m much happier with my decision to blow thousands of dollars to unsuccessfully run for a job that doesn’t pay anything;
25) George W. Bush can’t run again;
26) That young men and women are still willing to put on uniforms, pick up rifles, and stand in between me and crazy people who want to kill me;
27) That the right to trial by jury still endures, despite determined efforts by the powerful to destroy this check on tyranny by the weak;
28) Paper ballots, the greatest weapon against tyranny ever known;
29) That I had the honor and privilege to know and work with Ann Richards;
30) All the tens of people who read and enjoy the column and the blog;
31) My two biggest fans in the entire world—Barney Maddox and Randy Sheridan. You guys are the greatest!
32) That Jesus loves me.

Happy Thanksgiving! Alihelisdi iga! And, seriously, try the fried squash.

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3 Comments:

Blogger Kvatch said...

The Baylor Bears

OK, I'm on board with every item but this one! (Mother and father who both attended Rice, sons who both attended UT.) :-)

And...while we're on the subject. Happy Thanksgiving, LC!

11/23/2006 3:34 PM  
Blogger The Local Crank said...

Used to work with an attorney who played football for Rice. And I'm sure your sons both got a good eduction in spite of TU...

Happy Thanksgiving to you, too.

11/24/2006 12:03 AM  
Blogger WayneDawg said...

2) The Democratic Majority in Congress (please try not to screw it up, y’all, okay?);


How can they not? They still love killing babies in the womb.

'Jesus loves me Christians' that support killing babies in-utero are simply some of the most confused people on the planet!

11/27/2006 7:07 AM  

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