The Local Crank

Musings & Sardonic Commentary on Politics, Religion, Culture & Native American Issues. Bringing you the finest in radioactive screeds since 2002! "The Local Crank" newspaper column is distributed by Community Newspaper Holdings, Inc.

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Location: Cleburne, Texas, United States

Just a simple Cherokee trial lawyer, Barkman has been forcing his opinions on others in print since, for reasons that passeth understanding, he was an unsuccessful candidate for state representative in 2002. His philosophy: "If people had wanted me to be nice, they should've voted for me."

Thursday, July 19, 2007

This Just In...

The "George W. Bush" Monster that has been terrorizing Washington, DC and scaring off tourists for years was recently revealed by a group of plucky amateur sleuth Congressmen to be none other than...Arlene Wohlgemuth, the amusement park owner!

"And I would've gotten away with it, too," groused the so-called "chief executive" as he was led away in handcuffs by the sheriff. "If it hadn't been for those meddling sick kids!"

A spokesman for Senator Max Baucus, one of the fearless young detectives who cracked the case, said only, "Zoinks!"

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