The Local Crank

Musings & Sardonic Commentary on Politics, Religion, Culture & Native American Issues. Bringing you the finest in radioactive screeds since 2002! "The Local Crank" newspaper column is distributed by Community Newspaper Holdings, Inc.

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Location: Cleburne, Texas, United States

Just a simple Cherokee trial lawyer, Barkman has been forcing his opinions on others in print since, for reasons that passeth understanding, he was an unsuccessful candidate for state representative in 2002. His philosophy: "If people had wanted me to be nice, they should've voted for me."

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Today in History...

...Abraham Lincoln is born in a one-room log cabin in what is now LaRue County, Kentucky (1809)

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Blogger Eric said...

Definitely our finest president, in terms of all the crap he had to deal with from friend and foe alike. I'll be interested to see the Spielberg biopic with Liam Neeson as Lincoln when it finally gets made. There's also a John Adams HBO mini-series coming out in March that looks good.

2/12/2008 6:12 PM  
Blogger The Local Crank said...

There are only a handful of presidents who can honestly be said to have saved the Republic; Lincoln is one of them, of course. FDR and Washington would be the only others I can think of offhand. Liam Neeson is an interesting choice; he hardly seems ugly enough to play Lincoln. Sam Watterston really looked the part in a made-for-tv movie a few years back.

2/12/2008 8:47 PM  
Blogger Eric said...

Don't forget George W. Bush! Without his heroic leadership, we'd already be part of the global Islamic caliphate, or whatever the hell they're calling it now.

2/12/2008 9:00 PM  
Blogger The Local Crank said...

"Without his heroic leadership, we'd already be part of the global Islamic caliphate"

And to think, he did it all armed with nothing more than a dream, a flightsuit and a "mission accomplished" banner! Truly, history's greatest leader!

2/13/2008 1:01 AM  
Blogger dmarks said...

Lincoln, the man who signed a paper sentencing 38 Santee Sioux to death by hanging, without any of them receiving anything like that day's standard of a fair trial.

2/14/2008 4:55 AM  
Blogger Brody said...

Presidents are overrated when it comes to "Saving the Republic." Give me Alexander Hamilton any day.

2/14/2008 10:51 AM  
Blogger The Local Crank said...

That's a good point; Lincoln wasn't perfect. No president has been. But it should be noted that the Army condemned 303 Sioux to be executed and he pardoned all but 39 (with 1 later reprieved). The fact that the Sioux received even the show trials they got (very similar to the Bush Administration's proposals for Gitmo prisoners) as opposed to being shot on sight was incredibly unusual for the time, given that Indians were not even considered human under US law until the Standing Bear case in 1879. Also, Lincoln actually took the time to read the trial transcripts and review the evidence, a level of concern that was again unusual for the time.

2/14/2008 12:56 PM  
Blogger dmarks said...

Good points, Loc. I just happened to have found an account of the Sioux Uprising buried in a history book where I wasn't looking for it, and read it yet again last night. He did let 9/10's of them go.

2/14/2008 6:54 PM  
Blogger dmarks said...

And I think Liam Neeson will do great, as long as he doesn't have to act against a grown man in a rubber bat suit or Jar Jar Binks.

2/14/2008 6:55 PM  
Blogger The Local Crank said...

"My God, Secretary Binks, they've killed President Lincoln!"

"How wude!!!"

2/14/2008 7:58 PM  
Blogger Eric said...

Oh God, it burns... it burns!

2/14/2008 8:34 PM  
Anonymous BrodyV said...

Whenever I imagine Secretary Seward debating the purchase of Alaska, I'm now going to hear him speaking in pseudo-Caribbean patois.

2/15/2008 12:15 AM  
Blogger dmarks said...

"And the assassin speed away on a landspeeder after firing a blaster at Lincoln in Harrison Ford's Theatre."

2/15/2008 5:05 AM  
Blogger The Local Crank said...

I thought Seward was Jamaican? Or maybe I'm thinking of noted Rastafarian Salmon P. Chase wearing his dreadlocks on the Supreme Court?

2/15/2008 12:44 PM  
Blogger dmarks said...

A Rastafarian salmon. Was there one of those in the chorus of singing cartoon sea creatures in "The Little Mermaid" ?

2/16/2008 6:15 AM  

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