"Winning" the War

How to keep the disaster in Iraq from destroying the GOP? Can't let Obama in the White House; Lord knows what he might find if he goes snooping around. I have it!

1. Announce a "time horizon" for pulling out troops. That's vague enough it sounds like something Steven Hawking would come up with. Plus, when you think about it, you can never really reach the horizon, now can you?
2. Next, trot out a general to dutifully claim with a straight face that "time horizons" = democracy, sunshine, ponies & gumdrops whereas "time lines" = surrender;
3. Wait, crap! That nitwit al-Maliki told some German magazine he wants us out in 16 months!
4. Okay, plan B: bomb Iran.

A Crack In the Wall

One of the more Orwellian provisions of the foul-smelling and repulsively mis-named "Patriot Act" (preventing those being investigated by the FBI from revealing that fact) has been struck down by a Federal judge.

Mr. Manners Sez:

If your approval rating is in the Richard Milhous Nixon Memorial Sub-Basement, and you are trying to get in good with the new leaders of Congress who have no reason whatsoever to like or support you, stop deliberately mis-prononouncing the damn name of the majority party!

UPDATE: Bush attributes the gaffe to "Texas" and his inability to speak English.

The 2006 George Orwell Newspeak Awards

First nominee, the United States Department of Agriculture. Someone needs to alert the Navajo and the Sioux; apparently they aren't hungry, merely "food insecure."

Bankruptcy "Reform"

Another alert reader sent me this, regarding the growing frustration of US Bankruptcy judges with some of the more draconian provisions of the Orwellian-named "Bankruptcy Abuse Prevention and Consumer Protection Act" (surely the most inapt name for legislation since the "USA Patriot Act."