The Local Crank

Musings & Sardonic Commentary on Politics, Religion, Culture & Native American Issues. Bringing you the finest in radioactive screeds since 2002! "The Local Crank" newspaper column is distributed by Community Newspaper Holdings, Inc.

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Location: Cleburne, Texas, United States

Just a simple Cherokee trial lawyer, Barkman has been forcing his opinions on others in print since, for reasons that passeth understanding, he was an unsuccessful candidate for state representative in 2002. His philosophy: "If people had wanted me to be nice, they should've voted for me."

Sunday, July 20, 2008

"Winning" the War

How to keep the disaster in Iraq from destroying the GOP? Can't let Obama in the White House; Lord knows what he might find if he goes snooping around. I have it!

  1. Announce a "time horizon" for pulling out troops. That's vague enough it sounds like something Steven Hawking would come up with. Plus, when you think about it, you can never really reach the horizon, now can you?
  2. Next, trot out a general to dutifully claim with a straight face that "time horizons" = democracy, sunshine, ponies & gumdrops whereas "time lines" = surrender;
  3. Wait, crap! That nitwit al-Maliki told some German magazine he wants us out in 16 months!
  4. Okay, plan B: bomb Iran.

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