The Local Crank

Musings & Sardonic Commentary on Politics, Religion, Culture & Native American Issues. Bringing you the finest in radioactive screeds since 2002! "The Local Crank" newspaper column is distributed by Community Newspaper Holdings, Inc.

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Location: Cleburne, Texas, United States

Just a simple Cherokee trial lawyer, Barkman has been forcing his opinions on others in print since, for reasons that passeth understanding, he was an unsuccessful candidate for state representative in 2002. His philosophy: "If people had wanted me to be nice, they should've voted for me."

Friday, November 30, 2007

National Review to GOP:

"You're screwed..." Probably the only thing more pathetic than NR's bewildered analysis ("The peasants want health care? How can this be? Did we not just offer them 5% more gruel?") is their recommendations ("We only have one hope: convince the peasants that a capital gains tax cut will improve their hovels").

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The Teddy Bear Lynch Mob

State-sponsored Islamism is used by corrupt, dictatorial regimes from Riyadh to Khartoum to Lagos as a helpful tool for getting the people to gleefully participate in their own oppression, with incidents like this insane teddy bear lynch mob (no doubt inspired, if not actually bought and paid for, by Sudan's loathsome government) as the inevitable result. In spite of denunciations by moderate Muslims (significantly, almost all of these in Western countries), this kind of public frenzied support for barbarism, along with the Saudi government's repulsive excuse for "justice" for a victim of gang rape, just reinforces Western stereotypes and perpetuates the Islamofascist strawman.

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Thursday, November 29, 2007

Today In History...

...the Sand Creek Massacre (1864). At least 150 Cheyenne and Arapaho, mostly noncombatant women, children and elders, are brutally murdered by Colorado militia led by Colonel John Chivington. The Indians, under the leadership of Black Kettle, were camped at the direction of the US Army and Black Kettle flew the US flag over his tipi, as directed, to indicate his friendly status. As word of the massacre spread across the Great Plains, it inspired a general Indian war that would reach its' climax in 1876 at the Battle of the Greasy Grass.
Sadly, almost exactly four years later, on November 28, 1868, Lt. Col. George Armstrong Custer led another attack on Black Kettle's surviving band, again unprovoked, and again with mostly noncombatants as the victims, this time at the Washita River. Black Kettle and his wife (who had been wounded at Sand Creek) were both killed in this engagement.


The Forever War

In order to forever enshrine the Iraq debacle in American foreign policy, Bush is planning to ink a status of forces agreement (not a treaty; treaties require Senate approval) with Iraq, undoubtedly for a permanent US military base or bases. Yes, this would undoubtedly guarantee that he will be succeeded by a Democrat, but frankly he doesn't care. Bush is perfectly happy to destroy his own party in favor of his war.

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Tuesday, November 27, 2007

And That's It For Dennis!

My Dear Liberal Friends:
Y'all know I love ya, but I no longer want to hear a single word about how Dennis Kucinich is the only "authentic Democrat" running for President, now that he wants RON PAUL as his running mate.

RON PAUL: Racist and paranoid Anti-Semite.

RON PAUL: Insane 9-11 conspiracy theorist.

RON PAUL: The candidate of Neo-Nazis.

RON PAUL: And his amazing 19th Century economics policy.

RON PAUL: Confederate apologist.

And this THIS is the guy Kucinich wants to be one heartbeat away from the presidency? No thanks.

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Mitt Romney: Hypocritical Bigoted Moron

Mitt won't appoint a Muslim to his Cabinet "...based on the numbers of American Muslims [as a percentage] in our population..."
So, let's see, first he's applying a religious test for office (please see Article VI, Section 3 of the Constitution); second, this is the same guy who claims (and I agree with him on this) that his Mormonism shouldn't be an issue; and third apparently there is now a religious quota system for Cabinet Secretaries. And Mitt's "explanation" only makes it worse. Nor is this his first indication of religious bigotry. Oh, the stupid, it hurts us!

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Monday, November 26, 2007

Thompson Introduces Crackpot Tax Plan...

...gripes at "damn kids" for "getting on my lawn!"

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Friday, November 23, 2007


Virginia's tribes continue to be denied federal recognition, despite being frequently employed as eye-candy for state events, and despite the fact that evidently 8 out of every 10 white men in America is a descendent of Pocahantas. The story is the same; racism (Virginia unilaterally reclassified all its Indians as "colored" last century), politics (they don't DARE even hint at casinos), and the usual ignorance, hypocrisy and stupidity.

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Tuesday, November 20, 2007

This Just In!

Right-wing, corporate media, Republic Party propaganda lapdogs are full of USDA Prime, Grade-A crap!
Film at eleven!

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Monday, November 19, 2007

In Memoriam

Larry "Shawnese" Mitchell, Potawatomi poet and blogger and one of my good internet friends began his journey to live among his ancestors on November 16, 2007. I am fortunate for having known him, even for only a brief time, and poorer for his passing. do-na-da-ga-hv-i. Until we meet again.


Today in History...

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation, so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate—we can not consecrate—we can not hallow—this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.


Sunday, November 18, 2007

Our Noble Allies

A Saudi court increases the punishment on a VICTIM of gang rape because she dared to speak out in the media, forbids her lawyer to defend her, and revokes his law license. This has been another episode of Our Noble Allies in the Glorious Worldwide Struggle Against Islamofascism.

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Freedom Isn't Free..

..but apparently it can be sub-contracted. From TBogg, Jason Mattera of Young (or should that be "yellow"?) America's Foundation on why freedom is worth fighting someone else. Because, you know, he's busy fighting the "culture war." I guess he passes fallafel to O'Reilly or something. Pathetic.

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Friday, November 16, 2007

Candidate Match Game

You should try it. True to form, I ended up matched with the three guys least likely to win: Dennis Kucinich (yeah, yeah, Blue Gal, no gloating), Mike Gravel and Chris Dodd. In fairness, though, the range of questions was pretty limited, which is the general problem with these kinds of match-ups.

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Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Sorry About That, Folks.

Blogging has been non-existent lately because I've been sick. Way sick. Believe me, you don't want to know. Hopefully, recovery will come soon. That is all.


Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Frauds of a Feather

Blasphemous tele-Pharisee and blood-diamond smuggler Pat Robertson bestows his "blessing" upon the truth-challenged megalomaniac, Rudy Giuliani. No word yet on whether Rudy! will now call for the assassination of Hugo Chavez or blame "abortionists...feminists...gays and lesbians" for 9-11.

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Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Stupid White Man of the Week: Rush Limbaugh

Rush presents an easy target (in more ways than one). Here, he identifies an 18 year old Yup'ik as a "child" and an "Inuit from Alaska" and mocks her for daring to testify before Congress about the disastrous effects of global warming on her community, which Rush dimisses with, "Well, we gotta stop global warming so the child's spiritual connection to her homeland and her communities and so forth doesn't melt away into the Arctic. But we've all had to move for a host of reasons." What a sweetheart, huh? Yes, clearly, moving from Cleveland to Cincinnati because your dad got a new job is EXACTLY the same as watching the village where your people have lived for centuries melt into the ocean.


Sunday, November 04, 2007

Yeah, This Can't Be Good...

The more or less pro-American military dictator of Pakistan General Pervez Musharraf has fired the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, suspended the Constitution, and "pre-emptively arrested" thousands. This is the same Pakistan whose support (aside from the whole "hiding bin Laden" business) is absolutely essential to the War on Terror. So how's that working out for you there, Mr. President? Or should I say, Mr. Vice President, since he's the one who seems to be calling the shots?

And see if this rings chillingly familiar:

His emergency order accused some judges of "working at cross purposes with the executive" and "weakening the government's resolve" to fight terrorism.

UPDATE: The material just writes itself, folks.

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Column for 4 November, 2007

“Redeem me from the oppression of men, that I may obey Your precepts.”
--Psalm 119:134

You want to know why the Republic Party is currently tanking so hard in the polls, with George W. Bush a Nixon-esque anchor dragging the entire barking menagerie down in flames with him? Well, I’ll tell you; but first, I have a confession to make. Don’t tell anyone, it’s not something I’m particularly proud of, but once upon a time, when I was young and foolish—well, there’s just no easy way to say this: I voted Republican. More than once. But I didn’t inhale. Yes, I know. I’m disappointed in me, too. But, you know how it is. You always tell yourself that it’ll never get to you. You think you can just read the literature or maybe go to a couple of rallies, and that’s all. You can quit anytime. Next thing you know, you wake up with a hangover, a guilty conscience and a Bill Clements bumper sticker on your car. But, to be a little serious for a moment, I haven’t voted for a Republican since 1994 and I never will again, even though there are plenty of Republicans I personally like and work with and even admire. And the reason why is ultimately the same reason the GOP is only slightly more popular than a super-resistant staph infection these days. First, there was the Waco Tragedy, where I watched Republican lawmakers and Republican pundits transform a child-molesting, cop-shooting, psychotic cultist like Vernon Howell into some sort of sainted martyr to the Second Amendment. Then, a year later, Oklahoma City. The worst terrorist attack on American soil, up to that time. In retrospect, we were pretty naïve to think nothing could be worse. And then it turned out that the “terrorist” was one of us. An American. An Army veteran, no less. Timothy McVeigh, that vicious contemptible waste of oxygen, too cowardly to live up even to his own twisted racist ideals, but an American. And an American deeply involved in the shadowy “militia movement” that was at the time spreading all across the country, particularly the South and West, like some societal canker sore. So what was the response of the Republican Congress to this atrocity? Did they demand limitless powers for the President? Secret prisons? Legalized torture? Outsourcing of torture to countries not hobbled by decency, morality, the rule of law or the Bill of Rights? Nope, first they voted down Bill Clinton’s proposals to monitor these loonies, proposals that were the equivalent of a “time out” compared to the loathsome “Patriot” Act. Their one and only concern was making sure that people didn’t get the wrong idea about militia members. So they invited these fat, pathetic, shambling paranoid losers to slither out into the daylight and testify before Congress! Wearing their freshly-pressed mail-order fatigues and ranting about secret weather control technology and CIA mind-reading satellites and other assorted idiocy with a microphone provided to them by the United States Congress. It would be as if Democrats had invited Hamas to address Congress after 9-11. It was the most asinine spectacle I have ever seen in my life, and remember, I watch Texas politics as a hobby. And that’s when I decided, right then and there, that I could never, ever cast a ballot for any party that would rub elbows with those kinds of lunatics just to win a lousy election. And for the last decade or more, it has only gotten worse. The GOP has gone from drinking the Kool-Aid to taking it via intravenous drip. Who are the public faces of the modern Republic Party? Ann Coulter, who has mocked 9-11 widows, called for the execution of her political opponents, the assassination of a Supreme Court Justice, and the terror bombing of newspapers which displease her. And yet she continues to excrete columns that are run daily in allegedly mainstream publications, including the one you are currently holding. Bill O’Reilly is a racist blowhard, a sexual harasser and a pervert, yet he has his own teevee show to prop up the GOP. Same for Glen Beck who is really little more than a gibbering lunatic, but he is invited on shows like “Good Morning America” to froth at the mouth as some purported “expert” on topics he knows nothing whatsoever about. Michelle Malkin, apologist for internment camps, who led the attack on a twelve-year-old boy with brain injuries who dared to publicly say something in opposition to the Grand and Glorious Great Leader. And that’s just the front lines, the guys you see and hear nearly every day. Behind them is a long dark parade of creeps who trade ever more outrageous fantasies of killing or imprisoning “traitors” (which means anyone who disagrees with the Republic Party) on radio stations all across the country. And below them on the totem pole of insanity is the Right-Wing Blogosphere, a hive-mind pack animal that is seldom (if ever) correct in any of its breathless assertions, but is never, ever in doubt. And that’s not even counting James Dobson, Pat Robertson and all the other apostate tele-Pharisees who have prostituted the Church to Mammon, even as “conservative” lawmaker after “conservative” lawmaker implodes in bizarre, hypocritical kinky sex scandals. Now, do all Republicans agree with these howler monkeys? No, of course not. Many Republicans I know are as repulsed by them as I am, but the lunatics are running the asylum. These are the people that represent the GOP to millions of Americans if only because this is all they see. Is it any wonder then that people in virtually every demographic are fleeing the Republic Party in droves? Is it any wonder that Democrats in Congress are even less popular than Bush only because they haven’t done more to shut Bush down? All political parties (including the Democrats) have their extremists, but when the media is completely and utterly dominated by so-called “conservative” organ-grinders, all in competition with one another to see who can be the most outrageous, obnoxious, offensive and downright stupid, and when the politicians in that party are too craven to oppose them for fear of alienating the tin-foil-hat base that is all that is left of the once-mighty Reagan coalition, this is the clear result. I have written before that American needs a conservative party and I stand by that. If the Republicans and America are lucky, then when (and it increasingly looks to be “when” rather than “if”) the GOP takes an electoral whoopin’ next year, hopefully they will take the opportunity to purge themselves of the barnacles of the Lunatic Fringe. Get back to the fundamentals that allowed the Republicans to dominate the Presidency since World War Two; smaller government, lower taxes, less regulation and a basic overriding respect for the Constitution and the rule of law. The question today is not whether any Republican presidential candidate can bring their party back from the brink in 2008 (because the answer looks increasingly to be “no”), the question is what Republican in 2012 can duct tape the shattered remnants of the GOP back into a national political force, not merely a laughingstock run by and for an irrelevant gang of marginalized and politically impotent extremists.


Saturday, November 03, 2007

Oliphant and the Freedmen

An excellent post from John Cornsilk's site pointing out something that had frankly never occurred to me: the intersection of the Freedmen Controversy and the Supreme Court's decision in Oliphant that essentially granted the right of extraterritoriality to white pedophiles and rapists who prey on Indian women and children in Indian Country.

On a related note: Chief Chad Smith's editorial at HuffPo and John's dissection of it.

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Friday, November 02, 2007

aaaaaaand we're screwed. Again.

Senators Feinstein and Schumer will vote for the nomination of Michael Mukasey to be Attorney General, evidently based solely his vague, off-the-record assurance that the President would actually have to obey a law banning "waterboarding." Of course, this is the same Mukasey who, as a federal judge, ruled that the President has the authority to arrest US Citizens on US soil and lock them up for the rest of their lives without ever charging them with a crime.
I have painstakingly defended this Democratic Congress, pointing out that in many cases they lack the votes to accomplish what many want of them in terms of reining in this lawless Administration. But if this is the best we can hope for, confirming a nominee just because he's "not Alberto Gonzales," even though his views on the apparently limitless bounds of Presidential power are completely indistinguishable with those of Gonzales, then what is the point of having a Democratic majority in the first place?

UPDATE: Guess which country prosecuted as war criminals enemy soldiers who used waterboarding on Allied POWs during WWII? Go on, guess!

UPDATE 2: But Condi Rice's legal advisor would apparently have let them walk.

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Thursday, November 01, 2007

Hissy Fit

The Deciderer has decreed that if Michael Mukasey (whose nomination is floundering because the White House demands that he tow the line on cheerleading for torture) then there will be no Attorney General at all. This is in line with other recent temper tantrums by a Dear Leader infuriated that Congress will no longer prostrate itself at his feet. I'm sorry, but could we get a grownup President anytime soon?

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