CCRRRRRRRACK!!!

Christian Conservatives threatening to form a Third Party if Giuliani gets the GOP nomination. How likely is this? Hard to tell, but the unholy union between Economic Royalists and Christian Reconstructionists was bound to fail sooner or later. If Giuliani is the Republican nominee, I'm not sure there's enough boot-licking in the universe to win over James Dobson and the tele-Pharisee wing.

ALERT JOHN CORNYN!

Rush Limbaugh hates the troops! Quick! Someone get to the floor of the Senate with a meaningless paper fig leaf of fake indignation!

UPDATE: The conspiracy spreads! Now FOXNews hates the troops, too! We're going to need more resolutions.

UPDATE 2: ZOMG! The American Conservative is in on it, too!

Ahmadinejad Invites U.N. Inspectors to Search for Homosexuals

From the always-funny Borowitz Report.

Today In History

The 327th Airborne Battle Group of the 101st Airborne Division escorts nine children to classes at Central High School in Little Rock, Arkansas. The photo above was actually taken three weeks before, and the white girl with the twisted, ugly face screaming at Elizabeth Eckford is Hazel Bryan. The story of Central High School, and Hazel Bryan's redemption, is a compelling metaphor for the history of race relations in America in general, and the South in particular.

World's Favorite Insta-Legislature! Watch 'em Bloviate!

From the Great and Powerful Kos. Pretty damned funny.

We Get Letters

Barkman a prosecutor or defense attorney?

Dear Editor:

Patrick Barkman writes more like a prosecuting attorney with a weak case than a defense attorney.
Talk about “self-righteous blowhard Republicans and their moral implosions” and “lie down with dogs and get up with Republicans” makes me think that he is using only on ear and eye when making these judgment calls. I have trouble separating the actions of the two party memberships in personal behavior, but since he brought the subject up, let’s look at a few things.
Sen. Craig, of Republican Idaho, was apparently caught with some pants down and, if the allegations are true, should retire because of his activity, his misrepresentation of his character and for bringing shame on his office, his state, and his voting public. Although not considered criminal acts, how about immoral, or does that count these days? The Republican governor can, by law, appoint a replacement of his choice, but one shouldn’t compare any state’s politics to Louisiana’s.
The fact that the American public did have knowledge of Willie Clinton’s roving eye and cheating heart is what disillusions me about the American public’s reasoning in its choices. Not “splinters in neighbor’s eyes,” Patrick, but 2X4’s, which are hard to miss. I won’t even comment on Barney Franks [sic] other than to say he must get his voters what they want, and they do not worry about trysts of this nature.
To compare Kennedy to Lincoln is shocking, as their principle similarity was being president. Facts indicate that the three Kennedy boys left their morals with their priest. Ted, the noted “bridge deserter of Mary Jo Kopeckne,” must feed his flock of sheep lots of sugar to stay in office. As for Fred Thompson, he is smart enough to campaign with ideas that work and shouldn’t be predetermined guilty of ignoring and circumventing the constitution until proven guilty. Patrick is right about him not starring with a monkey as Reagan did nor as Hillary does!
It seems wrong for a defense lawyer to prejudge veteran Gen. Petraeus who has witnessed unimaginable patriotism, heroism and savage carnage while his troops are striving to protect us so that we can speak this freely, and I believe that he should be proven a toad before judgment and sentencing? [sic]
I feel very few Americans are in favor of the “General Betrayus” clown act, a ridiculous group. The so called “War Party” has a heck of a long way to go to catch up with the perpetrators of the Korean War and the Vietnam War, each of which claimed the lives of many, many thousands of Americans sent to die under the leadership of Truman, Kennedy and Johnson of “the Peace Party.”
Countless thousands of Koreans, Vietnamese and other Asians were also victims of our leaders’ whims in those unneeded and tragically conducted wars. God bless our veterans and all victims of past and present wars. Today, less raving and more troop appreciation by Congress would be classy.
It is sorrowful that so many people are so economically affected by the changed mortgage rates. People who live way above their means often get caught in terrible binds when it is too easy to borrow big bucks. However, potential voting power will nudge “big brudder” to bail them out. “Learning the hard way” is through a difficult curriculum, but will it stick?
I agree with Patrick that Gov. Rick Perry and President Bush have often been distracted from their job descriptions. No doubt, he has already selected who can and who will do better! President Bush has detractors now, but I feel that history will prove that he made some sincere and proper moves, thus saving the world from much of the grief it would otherwise have suffered.

Monte Swatzell
Cleburne

John Cornyn Swoons!!

Heavens to Murgatroid! The sheer, vicious hatred of those awful Lefties! Thank Heavens Conservatives would NEVER engage in that sort of brutal personal attack against Our Boys In Uniform.

Column for 22 September, 2007

“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem.”
--Isaiah 66:13

At the recent Emmy Awards, actress Sally Fields found her microphone cut off in mid-sentence as she said, “If mothers ruled the world, there would be no (expletive deleted) wars.” Now, of course, as things are done these days, her actions are being relentlessly flogged by the punditocracy and the blogosphere, with the Left supporting her as a martyr to censorship by the perfidious FOX Network (which didn’t seem to have a problem with several much more lascivious comments made elsewhere during the broadcast) and the Right arguing that Ms. Fields is just another Hollywood elitist with a liberal axe to grind. My normal rule of thumb is that I do not give a load of flaming dingo’s kidneys what any celebrity has to say on any political topic. However, the whole thing got me to thinking: what if mothers really did rule the world? In particular, what if my mama ruled the world?
There would, in fact, be no war because we are ALL family and we are GOING to learn how to get along or she will know the reason why;
If war did break out, it would end quickly. Probably with a fly swatter or possibly a wooden spoon. At the very least, the offending nations would be restricted to their bedrooms until they had an opportunity to think about what they had done;
No one, particularly grandchildren, would ever go hungry. Moreover, they would get good food, not that junk they serve nowadays. And if they behaved themselves, they would get home-made ice cream or fry-bread with cinnamon and powdered sugar. And they'd probably be allowed to put the powdered sugar on themselves;
The world would learn to love squash, cornbread, fried okra, layered salad, sweet tea and (at Christmastime) kanutche;
The environment would be cleaned up and it had best stay that way, because all you nations are old enough now to clean up your own messes and not make her have to come along and pick up after you. United States, China, I'm looking at you two!
The strong would never be permitted to bully the weak. Ever;
Everyone would respect their elders. Or else;
There would be universal day-care, particularly for grandchildren;
Not only would there be universal health-care, but everyone would visit the dentist and the eye doctor at least once a year whether they wanted to go or not;
Everyone would get a good education if they just buckled down and tried their hardest. And everyone would get to go to college, even if she had to take a second job;
All children would get a new pair of shoes for the first day of school;
People would know the value of a dollar;
Children would learn personal responsibility and would be treated with dignity and respect and their opinions would always matter, even when they were absolutely, positively, dead wrong;
Everyone’s crazy ideas, no matter how really, really crazy, would get a sympathetic ear, though not necessarily agreement;
No one would tell anyone else who they were allowed to fall in love with, even if it didn’t work out;
Everybody on Earth, no matter who they are or what they did for a living, would have at least one person who was very, very proud of them when they succeeded;
Nobody would be judged by the color of their skin, where they went to church, how rich their parents were, or whether they were any good at basketball;
There would be no crime, because everyone would learn early on to respect other peoples’ property, to leave other people alone when they aren’t bothering anyone, and to not go into other peoples’ rooms without permission. Or else;
Everyone would be encouraged to go as far and as high as their wits and talents could take them, and;
Everyone would be allowed to make their own mistakes, but there would always be someone there to help them out when they did.
Thanks, mama!

Pandagon Makes An Excellent Point

Why hasn't there been more coverage of the Jena Six in either the MSM or the (white) progressive blogosphere?

Stupid White Man of the Week: Michael Medved

Shorter Medved: Sure, we invaded your country; stole all your land; exterminated 95% of you with weapons of mass destruction; outlawed your culture and religion; kidnapped, tortured, and brainwashed your children; sterilized your women without their knowledge or consent; desecrated your sacred sites; herded you into concentration camps and deliberately starved you, but hey, you guys fought back, so technically that's not *open air quotes* "genocide" *close air quotes*

Hat tip to Wampum for this richly-deserved nomination.

UPDATE: Medved brings his own unique brand of insanity to the issue of neo-Confederate slavery revisionism.

Year At Danger

My best friend's new movie, chronicling his year in Iraq with the Texas National Guard, will premiere at 7:00PM on October 12 at the Alamo Drafthouse in Austin.




For more information, check out the movie web-site.

If My Mama Ruled the World

1. There would, in fact, be no war because we are ALL family and we are GOING to learn how to get along or she will know the reason why;
2. If war did break out, it would end quickly. Probably with a fly swatter or possibly a wooden spoon. At the very least, the offending nations would be restricted to their bedrooms until they had an opportunity to think about what they had done;
3. No one, particularly grandchildren, would ever go hungry. Moreover, they would get good food, not that junk they serve nowadays. And if they behaved themselves, they would get home-made ice cream or fry-bread with cinnamon and powdered sugar. And they'd probably be allowed to put the powdered sugar on themselves;
4. The world would learn to love squash, cornbread, fried okra, three-layer salad, sweet tea, and (at Christmastime) kanutche;
5. The environment would be cleaned up and it had best stay that way, because all you nations are old enough now to clean up your own messes and not make her have to come along and pick up after you. United States, China, I'm looking at you!
6. The strong would never be permitted to bully the weak. Ever;
7. Everyone would respect their elders. Or else;
8. There would be universal day-care, particularly for grandchildren;
9. Not only would there be universal healthcare, but everyone would visit the dentist and the eye doctor at least once a year;
10. Everyone would be encouraged to go as far and as high as their wits and talents could take them, everyone would get a good education if they just buckled down and tried hard and everyone would be allowed to make their own mistakes, but there would always be someone there to help them out when they did.

Hat Tip to Quaker Dave for the inspiration.

UPDATE: If Blue Gal's mother ruled the world...

UPDATE 2: Three Wise Men get in on the action.

Privitizing War

That rumbling sound you hear is Machiavelli spinning in his grave like a a turbine as the Bush Adminsitration deploys a vast, unaccountable mercenary army in Iraq, a mercenary army with such a foul-smelling reputation even the normally supine Iraqi government wants them gone.

Meanwhile, at the United Nations...

...to precious little media coverage, the Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples passed, but over the opposition of the United States, Canada, New Zealand and Australia. And while the United States and Canada gave the usual vapid, mealy-mouthed, diplomatic excuses, Australia at least had the huevos to be brutally honest about the reasoning underlying the votes of all four nations: opposition to tribal sovereignty and support for continuing cultural genocide.

"There should only be one law for all Australians and we should not enshrine in law practices that are not acceptable in the modern world," said (Australian) Indigenous Affairs Minister Mal Brough.

Tell it like it is, Oz.

John Cornyn...

...now as stupid and intellectually dishonest as James Inhofe. And that's saying something.

Blue Tide

E.J. Dionne, Jr. writes about a trend that hasn't hit Texas yet: the blue-ing of the suburbs and exurbs. He also picks up on a historical meme I have mentioned before: the Republican Party's gentrification into a sullen regional party, much like the Democrats from 1870 until 1932.

Hard Time

Another article from the Fort Worth Weekly about conditions at the Johnson County Jail, the Sheriff's Department and the Cleburne Police Department. This one is considerably more coherent than the last one, but it goes out of its way to insulate Sheriff Bob Alford from any responsibility for conditions at the jail that he is, well, responsible for. Though it must be admitted that if the County can't persuade qualified applicants to work as jailers for a third what they'd make in the Metroplex, that's ultimately the fault of the Commissioner's Court and the County Judge. The article also does a vicious hatchet job on Cleburne Police Chief Terry Powell on flimsy evidence and innuendo, while lionizing Burleson Chief Tom Cowan, for no apparent reason other than Cowan agreed to talk to the writer. I could also have done without Don Rice's opinion on local attorneys. Let him try a first degree felony before a Johnson County jury and then maybe I'll be interested in what he has to say.

John Edwards vs. Dubya

I like John Edwards, and not just because he, like me, is a preternaturally youthful-apppearing trial lawyer with great hair. No, in addition to being the only candidate with the huevos to purchase air-time for his own rebuttal to Dubya's war speech, he is the only candidate in either party to speak out against the scam of "Free" Trade that is gutting this country's economy. Of course, my endorsement probably dooms his candidacy, since I've proudly been on the losing side of Democratic Presidential Primaries since 1988 (Go Team Harkin!).

Apples & Oranges (or Bananas)

The Bush Administration will not press charges against officials of Chiquita Brands International for GIVING MONEY TO TERRORISTS. Because, you see, these were right-wing, Columbian terrorists, not Arabs. And the right-wing Colombian government is our ally, unlike crypto-Peronist blowhard Hugo Chavez next door in Venezuela. See? Completely different.

Thanks to Skippy the Bush Kangaroo for the image!

UPDATE: Clarification. Chiquita does have to pay a $25 million fine. Still, what are the odds the Holy Land Foundation will get such a deal?

Today In History

Texas Style

Lloyd Doggett dismantles the Petraeus Report.

And Speaking of the Petraeus Report...

...70% of Iraqis think "the Surge" has failed and NEARLY 60% THINK ATTACKS ON US FORCES ARE JUSTIFIED.
Explain to me again what "victory" means...

Freddie Thompson: Fascist, Terrorist-Lover

In Feddie's world, "dissent" which means "harm[ing] the president," makes America "weak and divided."
Oh, also, Thompson has no problem supporting terrorists, as long as they pay him. So that's another way he's Reagan Incarnate.

Our Ten Thousandth Customer!

Well, actually, technically the blog started in January of 2006 and presumably one or two people read it before I figured out how the counter works in June of 2006, but still! Thanks for reading.

Column for 9 September, 2007

“In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.”
--Matthew 23:28

Another well-known Cherokee columnist, Will Rogers, once said, “I don’t make jokes; I just watch the government and report the facts.” With that in mind, it’s hard to know where to begin this week. Let’s start with Senator Larry Craig (R-Idaho), the latest in a long parade of smarmy, self-righteous hypocritical blowhards in the Republic Party to be brought low by their own spectacular moral implosions. Probably the least-sympathetic character imaginable, with his near-perfect homophobic voting record and prissy denunciation of Bill Clinton as a “nasty, bad, naughty boy,” Craig deserves at least this from the criminal defense lawyer in me: I can’t see how he really committed a crime. Are we really now accusing people of a sex crime like public lewdness based on some Gene Kelly-esque secret gay tap-dancing code? I can’t imagine advising a client of mine to plead under those circumstances (though, admittedly, all I know about the case is what I read in the funny papers). Still, though, it can legitimately be asked, why is Craig twisting in the wind, abandoned by his own Party (other than the fact that Idaho, unlike Louisiana, home to the equally naughty Senator David Vitter, has a safely Republican governor to fill any vacancy), while Bill Clinton had a higher approval rating on the day he was impeached than George W. Bush has had since 2004? Simple; people knew what they were getting when they voted for Bill Clinton. Thanks to numerous “bimbo eruptions” during the 1992 campaign, Clinton’s roving eye was well-known to the electorate. More importantly, however, Clinton never tried to set himself up as the moral scold of the nation, unlike the GOP which has elevated the search for splinters in their neighbor’s eyes to an art form. You could make the same argument about Cong. Barney Frank’s indiscretions. If there is one thing American voters cannot abide, it’s a hypocrite. Senator Craig built and stoked the bonfire that is currently, painfully slowly, immolating him. He gets no sympathy from me on that score.
Next up, is Fred Thompson the long-prophesied Second Coming of Reagan? On the surface, there are some shocking similarities (much like Kennedy and Lincoln): two actors of minimal talent; both began their careers as snitches (Reagan to the FBI, Thompson as Nixon’s mole on the Watergate Committee); both political dilettantes and fake populists (Thompson with his fake red pickup truck shtick stolen from Victor Morales, Reagan with his policies that annihilated the small businessmen and family farmers he always included in photo-ops); neither would be mistaken for intellectual giants; both with reputations for laziness and an aversion to inconvenient facts; and both with a love for empty jingoistic sloganeering masquerading as patriotism. There are, of course, differences. As a lawyer, Thompson is at least familiar with the Constitution and laws he plans to ignore or circumvent and as a lobbyist, Thompson presumably understands the basic structure of government he intends to subvert. Also, there is no evidence as yet that Thompson basis all of his decisions (such as his spectacularly inept campaign) on advice from astrologers. Finally, Thompson never co-starred with a chimpanzee.
Okay, what else? The Petraeus Report? It’s a lie; you all know that already, right? It’s being written by the White House, not the general. In fact, there were some indications early on that the general wouldn’t even be allowed to read it to Congress before that idea was shot down in flames. The recent GAO Report is probably the closest thing to the truth We the People will be allowed to see, which is why the War Party is trying to discredit it and the Administration is diligently attempting to cook the books on the level of sectarian violence in Iraq. Not that it matters, of course; Bush’s long, bloody debacle will not end one day before January 20, 2009. President Bush may make a show of bringing some troops home for a photo-op parade or something as an October Surprise next year, but he has no intention whatsoever of bringing this catastrophe to an end, facts be damned, and Congress lacks the votes to stop him. Of course, even if Congress had the votes, the President would simply ignore them, based on his delusional belief that the Founding Fathers intended to imbue the Chief Executive with the powers of a god-king.
Hmm, well, how about that economy? The sub-prime mortgage market is tanking, which was inevitable given that it was, quite literally, based on the belief that money could in fact grow on trees, and now the vultures of the credit card industry are ramping-up their advertising targeted to people who have just seen their house payments nearly double. Kind of makes you understand why the first Texas constitution outlawed banks, doesn’t it?
Wow, that was depressing. At least things are looking up in Texas, where alleged Governor Rick Perry (in between lobbying Congress for the right to turn the interstates into toll-roads) accidentally did the right thing by commuting the death sentence of a man who never actually killed anybody. I can only hope that it turns out (as with the HPV inoculations) that Perry only did it for the campaign donations, so I don’t have to revise my opinion of him as a preening, narcissistic tool.

Apparently...

...Chief Smith's rousing "State of the Nation" Address did not have the desired effect, as the House voted yesterday 333-75 to cut funding to the Cherokee Nation. The only bright spot was the adoption of an amendment by Cong. Dan Boren that would delay the cuts while the case makes its way through Federal court.

Meanwhile, Chief George Wickliffe of the UKB dissects the slick propaganda leaflets distributed by the hundreds if not thousands at the recent Cherokee National Holiday.

The Global War on Zombies

So just where DO the candidates stand on the Zed Menace? Hat tip to Lawyers, Guns & Money.

Oh, Yeah, One More Thing...

...Bush KNEW Iraq had no weapons of mass destruction BEFORE the war started. Turns out the entire bloody, pointless fiasco is based on a shabby lie. Imagine that. Oh well, what can you do?

A Crack In the Wall

One of the more Orwellian provisions of the foul-smelling and repulsively mis-named "Patriot Act" (preventing those being investigated by the FBI from revealing that fact) has been struck down by a Federal judge.

Freddie = Ronnie

Is Fred Thompson the long-prophesied Second Coming of Reagan? Let's examining the shocking similarities (and ignore for the moment the shocking ineptitude of the Thompson Campaign):

1. Actor of minimal talent? Check!
2. Fake populist rhetoric? Check!
3. Intellectual laziness? Check!
4. "Tough guy" image completely unanchored in reality? Check!
5. Severe allergic reaction to the truth? Check!
6. Vapid, jingoistic sloganeering masquerading as patriotism? Check!
7. Background as a snitch (Reagan for the FBI, Thompson on the Watergate Cmte)? Check!

There are, of course, differences. As a lawyer, Thompson at least recognizes the laws he supports ignoring. Moreover, with his background as a lobbyist, Thompson presumably has a passing familiarity with the government, both how it works on paper and how it works in reality (i.e., money talks). Also, there are no reports as yet indicating that Thompson takes advice from celebrity pyschics via his trophy wife.

UPDATE: E.J. Dionne, Jr. on Freddie: back to the future.

UPDATE 2: Another view on the same topic from The Right's Field.

Morality and the Freedmen

From Wampum (back from summer vacation), a thought-provoking discussion of the moral aspects of the Freedmen controversy. The comments raise yet another point: if you are (like me) a fairly militant supporter of Tribal Sovereignty, what do you do when a tribe (particularly your tribe) uses its sovereignty to commit a grave moral injustice? Even though I am very sympathetic to the Freedmen and I hope they remain as tribal members, I can't find myself rooting for Congress to ride to the rescue by cutting funding, since the very act of doing so states rather implicitly that Congress has once again expanded the scope of its peremptory powers to now decide tribal membership. If tribes can't decide who is and who isn't an Indian, what sovereignty do they have left?

On a semi-related note, my boys and I were in Tahlequah this weekend for the Cherokee National Holiday. I managed to miss Principal Chief Chad Smith wrapping himself in the flag of the very sovereignty he has endangered, but I did watch him get knocked off his feet and into the air two or three times during a stickball game Saturday Night. He was the oldest one playing by (I would guess) ten or fifteen years and apparently didn't realize they were playing "Choctaw Rules". Eventually, someone yelled "Don't hurt him!" and they stopped clobbering him. To his credit, though, he stuck it out to the bitter end, and his team won 5-4. You won't see George W. Bush suiting up for the Superbowl, I can guarantee you that.

Why Labor Day Is Important

From the AFL-CIO (the good folks who brought you the weekend) via the Great and Powerful Kos.

Also, you may be shocked and appalled to learn that the Bush Administration hates labor unions more than it loves democracy in Iraq. Who'd have guessed?